I can’t, but I WANT to …!

Newsletter article by Stefanie, 30 yrs

Recently my Father-in-law (Ivo) spoke in a sermon about the sick man at the pool of Bethesda (John 5:2 ff). Until recently, I felt similar to the man at the pool of Bethesda. I would like to tell you why:

Elias and I became happy parents of a second sweet daughter, on January 22, 2022. For me it was the biggest and at the same time most beautiful change so far 😊. But since Janice Levia’s arrival, I just couldn’t manage my household, the OCG concerns (where I like to help in the web & graphic design department) and all the other work at all.

At least not in the way I wanted. I did not want to cut back anywhere and caught myself again and again, simply letting my work turbines spin all the faster – with the result that in the end, I could no longer really respond to Jesus and his signals and felt overworked. I also no longer managed to tell Elias or those around me when something was getting too much for me, because I didn’t even want to admit it to myself, let alone ask for help.

Having already failed a dozen times and having reached ground zero, I complained before the Lord one morning that I could no longer even find the faith to change. I leafed through my notebook a little more and then, as if it had been „arranged from above“, I flipped open the notes of the above mentioned sermon:

Surely Jesus knew that the sick man could not, so he did not ask him “Can you be healed?” but “Do you want to be healed?” But instead of answering this simple question, the sick man explained to Jesus that he had been lying by the pool for 38 years and that someone always beat him to it when he wanted to go in for healing.

When I realized that I only need to say: “Yes, Lord I WANT to be changed”, and HE expects nothing more and nothing less from me, I was immediately filled with faith and certainty that HE CAN and WILL change me!

Since this divine touch, I experience my everyday life again in a completely new way. There are no longer only pending items on my work list, which I  check off, but now I master everything again in and from the relationship with the Lord, by asking completely relaxed and reception-oriented: “Lord, what’s next?”. So the household is really fun again and also Elias feels the power I have 😊. Maybe I don’t manage to flow with the Lord every second, but I can feel how something has turned around inside me. I could freely admit to myself again when I don’t manage something, need help or that it needs an adjustment here or there in my OCG services. For example, now my mom comes over once in a while for three hours when the office work has been neglected again or other things are pending, and our girls can spend time with their dear “Mémé” (grandmother).

How grateful I am to the Lord for our two girls. Because through the two, I came back again into neediness, to the Lord and each of them has given me such a new extremely valuable change – a polish – and still does. 😊.

Do you also ask yourself why you still carry this or that vice around with you or constantly fail here or there… Could it be because you also list 1000 reasons why it doesn’t work with you –  you changing? Or is it because you think, like I did, that you have to change yourself? Then I can encourage you! You can’t do it yourself and the Lord has never expected it from you! But HE needs your willingness, your “Lord, I can’t do it, but I WANT to!” and then His powers of change become effective!

Your Stefanie